The past few days have been an emotional whirlwind for me. why? because I found myself going to church for the wrong reasons. No longer am I going to seek God's presence but rather I go there for the sake of seeking other things, and when I discover that the thing I am searching for is not there I would be discouraged from going to church.
I felt lost for the past few days, not knowing whether to submit to my feelings or just give up. I was literally an emotional wreck, I could be cheerful and happy for awhile before doing a complete 180 and become Sad and depress, most would not have noticed it( I hid my emotions) but the more I keep to myself the worst i felt, I could not find the courage to tell my leaders or any of my CG mates for I was afraid they would be upset.
The downward spiral just got bigger and bigger, I told myself that I can never hide my feelings forever and that I should consult Shi Han. So on Sunday 25Th may after the Redrain concert, We sat down and I just poured everything out to him(sorry shi han :D) and thought it was not easy admitting my problems, I felt the heavy feeling in my chest slowly being lifted up with every sentence I completed and I felt relieved.
The feeling was short lived as the next day, I found myself feeling like crap again and to make matters worst, I got into a situation with one of my best friends, Audrey(sorry :( ) I was mean to her, I let my emotions control me, I hurt someone I really care for. And throughout the whole day, I tried being my normal goofy self, but my efforts were futile for Shi han knew something was wrong and he gave me one advice, "When you have problems, you can always consult God."
So, I asked God for the solution to my problem and how this problem was destroying me internally, so for the next 15mins I just told God how I don't want these feelings to threaten my purpose of going to church, And when God spoke he said "Henry, go find Gerald for he has gone through similar problems before, do not be afraid to pour your heart out to him." Heeding God's Advice, I sought Gerald yesterday before CG and just like God said, Gerald knew everything I was going through, I had no problems expressing myself to Gerald as the knowledge of knowing that he had the same experience gave me the courage to tell him everything plus most of the time I didn't have to say much, He knew every single detail. And his advice to me was "To channel these fierce feelings for her into God instead, use the energy for a greater purpose instead and never be afraid to consult God for everything."(thanks bro :D) He also encouraged me to tell my leaders what I am going through for it helped him in the past and he believes it will help me too.
Being a Guy, I found it hard to express myself to Yassy about these problems, But with Gerald there with me I opened up and told her everything. It was not as hard as I initially thought it was going to be instead Yassy made the whole conversation very relaxed and that really helped(appreciate it yasst :D) and the advice she gave me "Was to be who I really am, consult God for everything and to ask God for what I should Seek for in a girl, write it down and compare it with the person you like, then Annalise to see whether she is the one for you." to my surprise the things she said is exactly what Gerald said, not word for word, but they both have the same meaning :D The last advice Yassy gave to me is to tell me that whenever I think about the problem, I should cut it off from my mind so that I can allow it gradually fade away.
Yassy told me to seek Mong, and yet again I was in a dilemma for Mong is one of my closest pal in church, but I was afraid that he would be upset about the situation. I told myself that I would only tell Mong if he asked about it( I thought this would be far fetched for Mong doesn't even know that I am struggling with a problem) but to my surprise, at 2.52am Mong send me a message asking if I was still awake and since I was practically just rolling around in my bed I told him I was awake and that his meeting was very cool because it was very long(I dunno why I said that lol) at 2.54 Mong called me, to my utmost surprise and asked if I was OK!, I was totally taken aback but nevertheless i regain my composure within seconds and started sharing with him, at the beginning the whole conversation I was very careful about what I said but after awhile I just told Mong everything and again to my surprise, Mong has gone through this problem and he told me his story(PRIVATE! :D) and told me "Not to fear your leaders as they are always there for you and to ask God to help you make the feelings disappear" He completed the Hat trick and by sharing his story with me, It gave me renewed confidence in my ability at dealing with these problems(Thanks MONG! :D)
So now I know what I must do to overcome this problem, I have to step-up and bring the game to the problem treat it like a so-called undefeatable opponent, but instead of being afraid I shall be Confident in beating it For I Am Not Alone In this Game, I Have God With Me And Thats All I Need To Beat It.
Trivia: Shi han, Yassy, Mong, Gerald Got the correct answer on their first try...Am I that obvious?
Henry Believes Out
I felt lost for the past few days, not knowing whether to submit to my feelings or just give up. I was literally an emotional wreck, I could be cheerful and happy for awhile before doing a complete 180 and become Sad and depress, most would not have noticed it( I hid my emotions) but the more I keep to myself the worst i felt, I could not find the courage to tell my leaders or any of my CG mates for I was afraid they would be upset.
The downward spiral just got bigger and bigger, I told myself that I can never hide my feelings forever and that I should consult Shi Han. So on Sunday 25Th may after the Redrain concert, We sat down and I just poured everything out to him(sorry shi han :D) and thought it was not easy admitting my problems, I felt the heavy feeling in my chest slowly being lifted up with every sentence I completed and I felt relieved.
The feeling was short lived as the next day, I found myself feeling like crap again and to make matters worst, I got into a situation with one of my best friends, Audrey(sorry :( ) I was mean to her, I let my emotions control me, I hurt someone I really care for. And throughout the whole day, I tried being my normal goofy self, but my efforts were futile for Shi han knew something was wrong and he gave me one advice, "When you have problems, you can always consult God."
So, I asked God for the solution to my problem and how this problem was destroying me internally, so for the next 15mins I just told God how I don't want these feelings to threaten my purpose of going to church, And when God spoke he said "Henry, go find Gerald for he has gone through similar problems before, do not be afraid to pour your heart out to him." Heeding God's Advice, I sought Gerald yesterday before CG and just like God said, Gerald knew everything I was going through, I had no problems expressing myself to Gerald as the knowledge of knowing that he had the same experience gave me the courage to tell him everything plus most of the time I didn't have to say much, He knew every single detail. And his advice to me was "To channel these fierce feelings for her into God instead, use the energy for a greater purpose instead and never be afraid to consult God for everything."(thanks bro :D) He also encouraged me to tell my leaders what I am going through for it helped him in the past and he believes it will help me too.
Being a Guy, I found it hard to express myself to Yassy about these problems, But with Gerald there with me I opened up and told her everything. It was not as hard as I initially thought it was going to be instead Yassy made the whole conversation very relaxed and that really helped(appreciate it yasst :D) and the advice she gave me "Was to be who I really am, consult God for everything and to ask God for what I should Seek for in a girl, write it down and compare it with the person you like, then Annalise to see whether she is the one for you." to my surprise the things she said is exactly what Gerald said, not word for word, but they both have the same meaning :D The last advice Yassy gave to me is to tell me that whenever I think about the problem, I should cut it off from my mind so that I can allow it gradually fade away.
Yassy told me to seek Mong, and yet again I was in a dilemma for Mong is one of my closest pal in church, but I was afraid that he would be upset about the situation. I told myself that I would only tell Mong if he asked about it( I thought this would be far fetched for Mong doesn't even know that I am struggling with a problem) but to my surprise, at 2.52am Mong send me a message asking if I was still awake and since I was practically just rolling around in my bed I told him I was awake and that his meeting was very cool because it was very long(I dunno why I said that lol) at 2.54 Mong called me, to my utmost surprise and asked if I was OK!, I was totally taken aback but nevertheless i regain my composure within seconds and started sharing with him, at the beginning the whole conversation I was very careful about what I said but after awhile I just told Mong everything and again to my surprise, Mong has gone through this problem and he told me his story(PRIVATE! :D) and told me "Not to fear your leaders as they are always there for you and to ask God to help you make the feelings disappear" He completed the Hat trick and by sharing his story with me, It gave me renewed confidence in my ability at dealing with these problems(Thanks MONG! :D)
So now I know what I must do to overcome this problem, I have to step-up and bring the game to the problem treat it like a so-called undefeatable opponent, but instead of being afraid I shall be Confident in beating it For I Am Not Alone In this Game, I Have God With Me And Thats All I Need To Beat It.
Trivia: Shi han, Yassy, Mong, Gerald Got the correct answer on their first try...Am I that obvious?
Henry Believes Out
posted by Henry :D at
6:46 PM
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